Didn't We Learn How to Be “Good Listeners” in Preschool?

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BY JENNIFER SILVERMAN

I really really really admire Shirley MacLaine.

Despite the misconceptions that MacLaine has lost one too many marbles or spent too much time tracking down aliens, I believe her to be brave and authentic.

Known of course first as an actor, dancer, and entertainer, Shirley MacLaine began penning her spiritual books in the early 1980’s. Her first publication, Out on a Limb, sadly was widely mocked.

Despite a rocky reception, today, MacLaine has a faithful audience who consider her a trailblazing, free-thinking, spiritual pioneer.

(Of course, there will always be folks who assume her metaphorical rocker is perpetually on the fritz. That’s life I suppose.)

Personally, I have always delighted in an eye-opening Shirley MacLaine book.

All her beliefs – even the unusual ones, get me thinking.

As a subscriber to MacLaine’s newsletter, the ShirleyGram, (Yes, she has a newsletter and it's absolutely marvelous.) I was recently reminded of a quote featured in one of her books from the ancient Chinese philosopher, Lao Tzu:

“Those who know don’t speak; those who speak don’t know.”

Isn’t it strange how the simplest of phrases are often so profound?

As a sometimes quiet person who is the child of two often very quiet parents, I loved this tidbit the moment I read it.

On one hand, it functioned as an enabler for my quiet person tendencies, giving me permission to not attend loud functions or engage with strangers way back when I was shy.

On the other hand, it explains why the legendary great listeners of the world are so very respected.

Without the distraction of one’s own voice and others’ comments on their comments, perhaps true listeners are more perceptive and better able to soak up everything around them.

Plus, the mystery around what genuine listeners themselves believe, offers an undeniable mystique to the curious onlooker.

Lao Tzu’s notion may also be behind the whole “good listener” thing that most of us attempted to master in preschool.

Maybe adults who love the sound of their own voices were frequently out sick during their toddler years? (I’ve never been too fond of my own voice – it’s ear-piercingly high.)

All in all, one has to wonder, what impact does a big talker's presence generate?

The perfect illustrative setting for the stereotypical loudmouth is a board meeting.

We’ve all been there - a handful of attendees or perhaps just one, project an all knowing attitude that rapidly snuffs out the voices of everyone else.

It’s a power play that undoubtedly makes the gregarious voices feel powerful, seen, and heard.

An interesting element of this phenomenon is the dichotomy in perception.

Some surely buy in to the power of that loudest voice, while others resent and distrust it for its overpowering and often unsolicited input.

We all have the capability to make our opinions known if we so choose, but do we listen to the listeners of the world?

And do good listeners speak freely without prodding if their nature compels them to remain quiet?

Ideally, we would all be able to seamlessly pivot from loud to quiet as needed, despite our innate preference toward one or the other.

Unfortunately, the skill of active listening while speaking is rather rare.

How different would our pasts have been if we had genuinely listened to nuance, to advice, to intuition?

The past as they say is gone, but the future is unwritten.

We may not all be inspirational lightning rods a la Shirley MacLaine, but it’s well within our power to emulate the toddler population and reactivate our inside voices and listening ears.

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