Resurrecting Dearly Departed Good Manners

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BY JENNIFER SILVERMAN

I love antique stores.

They offer opportunities to gaze into history, discover buried treasure, and learn something new – often about something old.

I may not be in the market for say a chifforobe, but I’ll eagerly examine beautifully crafted specimens of yesteryear for hours on end.

On a recent sunny day, I stopped by one of my favorite antique emporiums and came across the perfect accessory for my 1960’s lucite cocktail table – a beautiful multicolor vintage federal glass bowl.

Once my treasure was in hand, and my shopping mission thereby accomplished, the book section was calling my name. At the bottom of a huge pile of books in the corner, was a volume so massive, it rivaled the heaviest encyclopedia from my middle school library. I was intrigued.

As my triceps got a workout constructing a new stack of books, I unearthed a veritable bible of Emily Post protocol. As I flipped through my discovery, I couldn’t help but fondly recall the nickname my childhood peers had bestowed upon me way back when, “The Manners Police.”

I remember being a tot who took manners and etiquette very seriously and felt a responsibility to behave properly.

I also recall providing unsolicited commentary to my pals about their conduct - thus the nickname.

My commitment to decorum was a product of the many etiquette courses I attended.

(I’m not quite sure how I ended up an etiquette student so many times over. Afterall, I grew up in the 1990’s, not the 1950’s when I assume most little girls were charm school graduates.)

My etiquette lessons included instruction on all things good manners - from properly sitting, to dinner table etiquette, to polite conversation.

Even today, that judgmental polite little voice from decades ago occasionally blasts a loudspeaker in my head, reminding me that it’s not ladylike to chew gum, or scolding me when I’m lost in my thoughts and fail to greet passersby during neighborhood strolls.

Reminiscing about the etiquette education of my past reminded me of the extent “manners” have evolved since even my childhood.

The handwritten thank you notes and lovely handwriting I spent years perfecting are frequently not needed.

A firm handshake seems to have fallen by the wayside. (Frankly I wasn’t too sad to see that one go – you know, cooties.)

I also can’t remember the last time I called upon my knowledge of napkin placement or designated bread plates at a dinner party.

Although the art of manners may be a dying one, I must admit that I respected the importance of those written and unwritten rules and still do.

Some etiquette has certainly not stood the test of time for good reason, but perhaps some mannerly traditions are timeless.

Holding doors open is a common courtesy. What about waiting one’s turn?

Obviously “please” and “thank you” are the Audrey Hepburn of polite language – absolute classics.

Clearly, today’s techy world is far more casual than decades prior.

This is an era devoid of fainting couches.

Formal language is seldom uttered.

Very few pearl necklaces are available for clutching.

As such, manners may not seem consequential anymore. However, something as trivial as deciding which manners to embrace in an ever-changing society can compel us to contemplate two broader existential questions:

Which beliefs are no longer serving us and should be let go?

And which ones reinforce our values and should be upheld?

I don’t know about you, but I’ll take a proper tea party over an emoji-laden text chat any day.

You are cordially invited to supply the place cards. I’ll don the pearls.

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